Dear Luke
Luke, you are growing up. It has really hit me in the past few weeks as I have witnessed your behavior patterns changing from your norm. At times you struggle with transitions or change (most people do), but recently you've faced change with courage and a mature attitude. For example, we decided to add a full day of preschool for you after Christmas (to help you get used to the longer school days you will face next year in kindergarten). You have been going just Tuesday and Wednesday mornings and we decided to add Wednesday afternoons. After an extra long Christmas break (due to some severe cold weather causing school to be cancelled) your first day back to preschool was on a Wednesday. I stressed out, wishing your first day back could be just a half day, to ease you into it. Transitioning back to school is hard enough, and adding a full day might be really hard (I thought). I toyed with pushing out your first full day to the following Wednesday. Well, when we talked about packing your lunch the day before school, you seemed to be okay with the idea of a full day, so we sent you. And YOU WERE AWESOME! I picked you up at 2:30pm and you were in no hurry to go, were full of excitement to show me the cot you had for rest time (...another thing I thought you'd hate b/c you don't like resting), you chatted about the day and what you ate in your lunch. There were 5 other kids there with you (Liam, Isaac, Halle, Ava, and Quinn) and Ms. Trisha. She said you were talking positively about kindergarten, too. I was so proud of you and also very relieved that you had such a great time. (I spend hours every week worrying about you. It's not because there is anything specific to worry about, it's just because you are my first baby and I want you to be comfortable and happy and never scared. I know that isn't realistic, and that I can't stop every fear that might cross your path in this life, but it sure hurts my heart to think of you scared or in a place where you wish you could just be home with your mama.)
Another example of you growing up was just tonight at bedtime. Up until this point in your life you've wanted and needed someone to lie with you in bed in order for you to fall asleep. I love to spend that time with you, but sometimes I need to be with Meredith, Ben, or your dad...or I need to get some work done...or I just need a break after a long day and an hour-long bedtime process. Tonight I told you I was going to leave after we prayed. After we finished praying you sat up and said, "Okay Mom, can I just tell you two things?" I agreed. You said, "I love you, Mom" and you took my face in your hands and kissed me on the lips. Then you said, "And can you come back and check on me and if I'm sleeping or if I'm not sleeping can you lay by me?" (You ask this of me often). After I assured you that I would do that, you looked at me and said for the first time ever, "Okay, Mom, you can go then..." I could just see in your eyes that you were communicating to me that you would be brave, that you would be okay.
One more example. I signed up for a Friday morning fitness class at the NLS high school. They provide childcare during the hour-long fitness class. I wanted to do this fitness class last year, but knew that leaving you and Ben would add more stress to my life than the fitness class could possibly relieve! Just getting two little kids out the door and to the high school by 8:30am would be difficult enough, but the most difficult part would be leaving you with strangers, knowing you'd cry the entire hour and fear that I wouldn't return. Well, I'm sure the fact that you are going to preschool has helped you understand that I ALWAYS come back, and so I left you this past Friday. You gave me a kiss and told me you'd be fine. Your example led Ben to react in a similar way. He was fine with me leaving. When I came back an hour later, you and Ben were playing so hard with the other kids and had loved every minute of it. BRAVE.
Right now I have the best Luke. He is brave and breaking down barriers. But he still kisses me, hugs me, and tells me he loves me.
Thank you.
I love you, little man.
Another example of you growing up was just tonight at bedtime. Up until this point in your life you've wanted and needed someone to lie with you in bed in order for you to fall asleep. I love to spend that time with you, but sometimes I need to be with Meredith, Ben, or your dad...or I need to get some work done...or I just need a break after a long day and an hour-long bedtime process. Tonight I told you I was going to leave after we prayed. After we finished praying you sat up and said, "Okay Mom, can I just tell you two things?" I agreed. You said, "I love you, Mom" and you took my face in your hands and kissed me on the lips. Then you said, "And can you come back and check on me and if I'm sleeping or if I'm not sleeping can you lay by me?" (You ask this of me often). After I assured you that I would do that, you looked at me and said for the first time ever, "Okay, Mom, you can go then..." I could just see in your eyes that you were communicating to me that you would be brave, that you would be okay.
One more example. I signed up for a Friday morning fitness class at the NLS high school. They provide childcare during the hour-long fitness class. I wanted to do this fitness class last year, but knew that leaving you and Ben would add more stress to my life than the fitness class could possibly relieve! Just getting two little kids out the door and to the high school by 8:30am would be difficult enough, but the most difficult part would be leaving you with strangers, knowing you'd cry the entire hour and fear that I wouldn't return. Well, I'm sure the fact that you are going to preschool has helped you understand that I ALWAYS come back, and so I left you this past Friday. You gave me a kiss and told me you'd be fine. Your example led Ben to react in a similar way. He was fine with me leaving. When I came back an hour later, you and Ben were playing so hard with the other kids and had loved every minute of it. BRAVE.
Right now I have the best Luke. He is brave and breaking down barriers. But he still kisses me, hugs me, and tells me he loves me.
Thank you.
I love you, little man.
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