A hole
I have a hole in my heart and a hole at home. Only Luke can fill that hole. He's my first babe, my little buddy, the one I connect with on many levels, a mama's boy, my puzzle partner, my non-napper and night owl who is always up with me during the day and quite late at night. The first week of Kindergarten is under our belt. I'm fairly positive Luke managed better than I did. He had a few moments of tired...(which all of us Hannigs have, since we aren't morning people. Not to mention we all had to start getting up about an hour or hour and a half earlier than normal to get Luke to school)...and it often spun into sadness or anxiety about having to eat school lunch. He had the school lunch the first day, but the rest of the week begged to bring his own. He must be overwhelmed by everything at lunch time, because on Friday he brought home his entire lunch, minus 2 bites of his sandwich and the Kitkat I sent along for a reward if he ate all his sandwich (he said, "I forgot" when I reminded him he wasn't supposed to eat the Kitkat unless he ate his sandwich). So we will continue to work through the lunch anxiety.
By Thursday I had had enough. I wanted him back. And by Thursday he was also tired from long days and the new sleep schedule. He was weepy in the morning, and I described the day to a friend like this:
Yesterday he was stressed out about going, wanted to stay home, and was fighting tears. He just walked away, into his room, so I wouldn't see him cry - so full of pride. I followed and held him. When he walked out to the car (Paul drops him off), he looked back at me and his face looked so sad and scared, trying not to cry. It was raining, so instead of playing on the playground until the bell rings, he had to sit against his locker. Paul walked him in (which they discourage, but we don't care...we're doing it for sure the first few weeks until he's comfortable) and said when he left he looked back and little Luke was just sitting there by himself with his back against the locker, looking so scared and small. I couldn't take it. I cried all day. I couldn't stop. I just miss him desperately. But I know I have to let him grow up. And I hate it.
He is always all smiles when I pick him up, and can't stop talking about the day. So my guess is that he just has a hard time getting going in the morning. And when I asked him about being sad that morning, he said he was just crying because he didn't want to eat the school lunch! He even said he wasn't sad or scared when sitting against his locker. It just breaks my heart to think of him with any anxiety. So that same night (Thursday) I also asked him if he wanted me to home-school him and explained he'd be home with me all day, and I would be his teacher. I said, "Or do you want to keep going to your school? And he said "I want to keep going to school." That is the answer I wanted.
He has gym class every day. And his friend, Liam, informed me that Luke and Liam are the only two in the class that do pushups the correct way, without touching their stomachs on the ground. Ha! He also has Spanish class a few times a week, music a few times a week, and art class once a week. I have a hard time getting out of him what he did all day. Mostly I think he is overwhelmed and tired and can't remember everything. We are so thankful Liam is in his class. There are 5 kindergarten classes at NLS and each class has about 22-25 kids. So out of 115-125 kids, Luke and Liam happened to get the same teacher. And there is not another single person from Luke's preschool that is in his class. So without Liam, he'd be pretty lonesome. However, I know he'd make friends. He is just a bit shy.
I'm sure I'm missing some details....he will eventually try riding the bus - bus #13. But so far the little kiddos naps have worked so that they are up by 2:30 and we can leave shortly thereafter to pick up Luke.
More to come as I adjust to the new quiet at home. I soaked Luke up this weekend...and I'm not looking forward to Monday!
By Thursday I had had enough. I wanted him back. And by Thursday he was also tired from long days and the new sleep schedule. He was weepy in the morning, and I described the day to a friend like this:
Yesterday he was stressed out about going, wanted to stay home, and was fighting tears. He just walked away, into his room, so I wouldn't see him cry - so full of pride. I followed and held him. When he walked out to the car (Paul drops him off), he looked back at me and his face looked so sad and scared, trying not to cry. It was raining, so instead of playing on the playground until the bell rings, he had to sit against his locker. Paul walked him in (which they discourage, but we don't care...we're doing it for sure the first few weeks until he's comfortable) and said when he left he looked back and little Luke was just sitting there by himself with his back against the locker, looking so scared and small. I couldn't take it. I cried all day. I couldn't stop. I just miss him desperately. But I know I have to let him grow up. And I hate it.
He is always all smiles when I pick him up, and can't stop talking about the day. So my guess is that he just has a hard time getting going in the morning. And when I asked him about being sad that morning, he said he was just crying because he didn't want to eat the school lunch! He even said he wasn't sad or scared when sitting against his locker. It just breaks my heart to think of him with any anxiety. So that same night (Thursday) I also asked him if he wanted me to home-school him and explained he'd be home with me all day, and I would be his teacher. I said, "Or do you want to keep going to your school? And he said "I want to keep going to school." That is the answer I wanted.
He has gym class every day. And his friend, Liam, informed me that Luke and Liam are the only two in the class that do pushups the correct way, without touching their stomachs on the ground. Ha! He also has Spanish class a few times a week, music a few times a week, and art class once a week. I have a hard time getting out of him what he did all day. Mostly I think he is overwhelmed and tired and can't remember everything. We are so thankful Liam is in his class. There are 5 kindergarten classes at NLS and each class has about 22-25 kids. So out of 115-125 kids, Luke and Liam happened to get the same teacher. And there is not another single person from Luke's preschool that is in his class. So without Liam, he'd be pretty lonesome. However, I know he'd make friends. He is just a bit shy.
I'm sure I'm missing some details....he will eventually try riding the bus - bus #13. But so far the little kiddos naps have worked so that they are up by 2:30 and we can leave shortly thereafter to pick up Luke.
More to come as I adjust to the new quiet at home. I soaked Luke up this weekend...and I'm not looking forward to Monday!
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| Luke at the NLS football game Friday night after his first week of Kindergarten. He found Liam and they ran off, holding hands as they ran down the hill, then onto the track and clear across to the other side of the football field. I could see him every so often, running around with Liam and some other kids, who he informed me later that he didn't know. |
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